Posts Tagged ‘self-education’

A few times now I have seen the end to something before it ever came to pass. I took in a deep breath and enjoyed it. The smell of the ocean and the mist at my face. Savour those moments to the end. You never know when it will end.

I fell asleep to your cry and still to this day sometimes I wonder why? I thought I was learning what it takes to be a father, instead the path of a man.  That night we held him in our arms, never did I think that would be the last. The purest of memories in my mind, the moment of the riches joys. To look into her eyes and see my son’s reflection. At the time I could have savoured this moment more.  I unfortunately live with this regret.

The band-aide of choice was to honor every moment as if it was my last. My full attention and concentration whenever I noticed I was slacking. Difficult for a ADHD kid at times, but thru time I have seen mass progression. Deepening the bond I have to offer to others.

The Sun was setting on the stern as we headed back to dock for the season. Oh the mist was so refreshing when it  hit my face. I had just raised the tuna poles and securing them tightly with the well worn rope. The soot from the exhausted covered my hands, I felt like it would be my last for a while, so I took another deep breath. My exhale was appreciation for this experience. What a wild ride this life has thrown at me and I am still standing here in a crow’s nest 30 ft off the water.

I like to think God puts us thru trials and we fail. We fail alot, repeatedly over and over again because we are stuck in our ways, fear change, but envy it. GET BACK UP...HEARD IN THE back of my head.  This repeated failure built the author of this post up from some dense ashes. I was lost in my own world of confusion trying to find a cure in all the wrong places. Then a random stranger who became brother introduced me to God right when I needed it. Someone to talk to….

His family opened their arms to me and at times,  I let them down like a son. But they taught me  my failures are my challenges and my challenges are my goals.  Mike and Diane will forever hold a special spot in my heart for introducing me to a saviour. The path I was walking was a dark suicidal. Scared to share for fear of repercussions. They LOVED me unconditionally and supported me with anything I ever wanted to do. They offered me rides to church every Sunday for Mass, Wednesday for class and every group event in between. A place to stay and tons of work. So blessed to experience them and have some formal introduction to God. Even if in the end I am just talking to myself at night. Its working…

As I reach my goals I run alongside others who are racing thru this universe, but I feel alone at times. I am blessed to have a healthy balance of friendship in my life. Those friends held me at my worst and praised me at best. Many tried to help and connect with me, but I pushed you away at times to hide in my solitude.I felt like I was a burden upon others and felt safe alone. Covering my emotions with hobbies, study, business.

When your alone, the voices come out to play. These voices try to play with me  from time to time now, but I have tools now to combat them. WE NEED QUIET ALONE TIME TO FEEL THOSE VOICES.  It’s amazing what life offers you when you keep in the back of your mind, someone is looking out for you. The Tone of the voice changes from a negative to a positive vibe. Encouraging and supportive. Let that new tone be God, Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, The Universe, Your higher self or Ricky Bobby. It truly does help to just have some faith in something, not to mention yourself.

Don’t let me kid you or display my avatar “LAMBO” or fancy heal yourself blog. I can barely focus to type with the tears in my eyes. I had to stop proofreading to control myself and maintain. I have posted alot on this blog over the last 3 years and this is by far the toughest one to share. The most emotions I have allowed myself to feel in a long time. Did not even notice It was building up momentum inside of me.

Each year is different for me and always hits me at a angle I was not covering or prepared for. Once again left alone by choice in confusion and aloneness. These are the times I learn from my God the most. My son was was an angel sent here as my wake up call. Without the event taking place, would I be who I am now? I don’t think so. I was a stubborn boy who needed a powerful event to change my ways. That it did.

The military definitely taught me to maintain/Conceal my emotions. When you’re responsible or leading others in the military you have to keep it TOGETHER for the sake of the team. This is great character traits when your the man of the house. As long as you know how to open up to someone you confide in. Cons I have learned are bottling things up and cause long term mental issues if not SELF-TREATED. Not medicated, but thru self-awareness and evaluations. AKA  a journal.

I don’t think a journal is something that just works with a few people.I think only a few people are willing to make a journal work.

 

This was a tuff blog post write and I feel so much better now that I could share this with you. The things I do are not required, but they have helped me, maybe they will help you.

 

Be Strong for others

Colton

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello Readers,
Thank you for every single comment, view, share and subscription.
Looking back on prior years I am shocked at my paper trail I have left here on this blog. I would never in my life claim to be a writer, but I write. Sometimes I have a way with words or a neat little play on them. But this blog is littered with spelling and grammar errors. I recognized my illiteracy and set out to practice. Practice as much as possible, whenever possible.

The birth of Naturopathic Paladin has given me the chance to write whenever I have a spare moment. A paragraph here and there over the course of 2 years has allowed over 200 articles to be posted on this blog. Alot of the articles are deep, mental thinkers and poems. Videos that I have watched and given paragraph summary. As you can see, I have been practicing. I still have alot to learn and practice to achieve literacy I am happy with but you get the point I hope.

Even if no one else sees it for me, I am going to see it for myself. Investing in my mind, even when I was homeless backpacking in the woods. Don’t give up your precious time to things that don’t nurture your soul. Life will always have its ups and down and all arounds. You won’t fall off the ride if you don’t let go. Be better today, then you were the day before.

Find something you want to learn. Become a violinist or start a playing the guitar. Become better at math by adding numbers together you see everyday in your head. Your all so talented and blessed individuals. So start thinking about your dream and know that its possible. Your going to enter alot of setbacks and defeat. But you will learn so much about yourself in the process. The earth is limitless for us and soon we will see it in ourselves.

Thank you for the time you took to visit my blog and I urge you to self educate.

NATUROPATHIC PALADIN